Active Listening
Listening with intention
Focusing your attention
Will communicate your priority
Offering enlightening clarity
Interesting to ponder the word SILENT
Being this quiet may cause discontent
Letters are the same as those in LISTEN…
Doing both may be a productive ambition
Will you thoughtfully work to listen?
Perhaps lead another soul to glisten?
How important is it to listen? Do you view listening as a valuable part of communication? Is listening important in relationships? Perhaps the better question is… Why is listening such an important part of communication and relationships? Can we really communicate and connect effectively without hearing from another? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship without hearing from all angles and both sides, whether it is a casual, personal, or professional relationship?
Various philosophers and others have been known to write or proclaim ideas such as …
The first act of love or respect is to listen.
When hurting people feel heard or listened to, they begin to heal.
Are you listening to the answers your environment may be giving you?
If you’re not listening, you’re not loving.
Listening to respond might not be listening to hear.
By listening well you learn amazing stories.
My husband Brian, heard a philosopher through a university symposium be asked to answer as to what he would do if given one hour to win someone over to his philosophy of life and to share how he would spend that hour. Without hesitation and no pondering his reply was, “ I would ask them questions about what they believe and listen to their answers for the first 50 minutes, and then spend the last 10 minutes sharing with them what I believe. ” This is so interesting as most of us, if being completely honest, would incline to do just the opposite… Or perhaps we would use the entire 60 minutes prioritizing our personal convictions and philosophy being driven by an effort to be right, and assume they are wrong.
Additionally, Brian attributes another philosopher in his life, her name…Grandma Borah. I had the gift and pleasure of knowing and interacting with this beautiful woman for two decades. While she only possessed an 8th or 9th grade education…her wisdom for life skills, loving others, and listening well far exceeded any measure on the afore mentioned. She was known in the family for saying ”You have two ears and one mouth for a reason…listen twice as much as you talk”. She had limited school education…yet was a very wise woman.
Active listening includes behaviors to help engage in the communication process by:
Quietly listening with intention
Asking as needed for clarification
Confirm understanding with affirmation
The most important part of active listening is that YOU the LISTENER understand the SPEAKER…This does not to imply that debating, arguing, disagreeing, persuading be at the forefront for the listener. Seeking to truly and fully understand should lead the way, whether agreement or disagreement is present. When we approach listening as a QUIET yet ACTIVE endeavor, clarifying points along the way as needed, and then affirming for understanding…we will find ourselves well on the way to more solid and productive communication.
Life offers us so many challenges and we seldom find quick fixes for most scenarios and situations…however, if we seek to add components of healthy communication, we have a better chance of growing forward productively!
Are you willing to Actively Listen by being sure to FOCUS, ACKNOWLEDGE, ASK and CONFIRM along the way?
This is the continuation of a HUGE topic but one of paramount importance throughout all walks of life. Let’s continue the conversation and embrace opportunities to COMMUNICATE and ACTIVELY LISTEN with CLARITY as we Connect, Collaborate, and Conquer a little more every day!
How will you aspire to RE-ADJUST your personal listening habits as you grow forward?
© Kathleen Bauer, Ed D 2020
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